For The Husband: The Secret Your Wife Wants You To Know

Quick, bring your ear close. Closer. Now, listen carefully, husband, because I have a secret to share with you about your wife. Remember how she used to dress for only you—with soft, pink gloss swept across her lips and each tress of hair falling gracefully along her shoulders, leading to that little black dress she bought specifically because she knew your mouth would drop open when you caught a glimpse of her strolling towards you? Remember the days when you’d come home from work and were met at the door with warm embraces and kisses and the aroma of a mouth-watering meal complete with your favorite homemade dessert? Right now it may seem as if those days are only a distant memory, perhaps just a dream and that the girl you married has permanently gone away. But husband, I’m here to tell you that she hasn’t gone away; she’s just lost her way a bit.

Some days you probably feel as if it’ll never be the same. She’s traded in that little black dress for yoga pants and stained t-shirts and her done-up hair for a messy ponytail plopped right atop her head because she hasn’t had the energy to find the shampoo in days. Instead of her embraces meeting you at the door, you may now be met with little hands and feet climbing up your legs with squeals of delight while your wife collapses in complete exhaustion onto the couch—possibly even rocking back-and-forth in the fetal position (or maybe that’s just me). And the aroma of your favorite meal may now be replaced with the smells of hotdogs and grilled cheese sandwiches because dinner was the last thing on her mind after a day filled with dirty diapers, homework, and temper tantrums.

You may think that she’s forgotten about you and has made a conscious decision to move forward in her life without you, but more than likely that is far from the truth. She might simply believe a lie—the lie that whispers, “You’re not a good mother if you don’t put yourself and your marriage below your responsibilities as a mother.” In the world we live, even among Christian circles, so much pressure is added to women who wear both titles of wife and mother. We are pulled in so many directions that we forget what God required of us in the first place. We were first yours, our husbands.

Sometimes we have to be reminded that it’s okay to take time for ourselves and our marriage. We shouldn’t feel guilty for getting away for a couple of hours or even for a few days with you in order to unwind, regroup, and spark that fire in our marriage again.

So men, don’t give up on us or get discouraged over how distracted and overwhelmed we wives can get. What we need more than anything is your love and gentle leadership. The more you love and sweetly lead us, the harder it will be for us to be distant from you. We need you, and we truly do want you. We just have forgotten how to show you that we do.

From me and the other wives/mothers who have allowed our marriages to slip to the sidelines, I want to say thank you for loving us, anyway. Thank you for your leadership and patience. And thank you for simply being you—our best friends, our lovers, and our biggest fans!


Comments 8

  1. Stephanie…this is something near and dear to my heart! I try and encourage other young moms that they needn’t forget the man that contributed to them becoming a mom in the first place…although I will admit I have to remind myself most days of this too! 🙂
    I heard a simile explained a couple years back on the radio as I was driving somewhere (with kiddos in the back of my van, of course) that marriage is kind of like upkeep on a car…it needs maintenance otherwise it will go into dis-repair. I have kept this tucked in the back of my mind and I often have to remind myself that as my children grow…they will one day leave our nest and I will be with the man that I married – no kids under roof!…and I do not want him to be a stranger! 🙂
    Great reminder, Steph! ~ Katy

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