To the One I Lost to Cancer

You are no longer here, but that doesn’t mean you’re gone. Over time, your physical presence has simply evolved into a beautiful memory—a memory of secrets told and promises kept, a treasured memory of unconditional love and mutual respect, and a memory of uncontrollable belly laughs and late night girl talks.

You were always there, telling me the truth when no one else would. When I made mistakes, you didn’t sneer or shake your head in disappointment; instead, you picked me back up, wiped the tears away, and encouraged me to keep on going. Where others saw just a silly, boy-crazy, blonde girl, you saw potential and inevitable growth.

You were more than just a friend; you were an adopted part of our family—the big sister I never had. I looked up to you, not because you always made right choices or were the ultimate flawless example but because you were honest, trustworthy, compassionate, and forgiving.

I’ll never forget all the times you rushed to my side to wipe away the tears. The off the cuff comments and jokes you made were always sure to make me smile and even chuckle in the midst of the biggest heartaches. How you always knew just what to do and say still amazes me.

Life is very different now without you here. Though time has begun to heal the hurt from losing you to such a terrible disease, I still have moments of sadness and nights void of sleep. You see, I’m selfish. You are with our Lord in a perfect place that knows no sickness or pain or depravity, but I still wish for you to be here with me in this sin and disease stricken world. Misery loves company, right? 🙂

I do find comfort in knowing that this is not truly the end. One day, I will see you again! Then, our friendship will be stronger than it could have ever been here on this earth. We will laugh and reminisce and look forward to a future defined by peace, hope, and untainted love.

So as I sit here in the quiet of the night, sensing grief sneaking up on me once again, I will not allow it to take me captive. Instead, I will choose to smile because, you see, you’re not really gone. You’re more alive than you’ve ever been, and the precious memories we’ve made will live on forever.

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