“We don’t want you. We want Daddy! Why can’t YOU go to work and Daddy stay here with us all day?!” And just like that, my entire day was ruined. I suddenly felt like I was that awkward junior high kid picked last in dodgeball… who then gets pegged square in the face by the first ball hurled in her team’s direction. This was not one of my finest moments. I’m pretty sure I blubbered mounds of tears and snot and whined incoherently that they had hurt mama’s feelings. Apparently, I’ve hung around toddler aged children a tad too long. Sigh.
On days like this I struggle to see the good I am doing in my children’s lives. All I recognize are the numerous “mom fails”: the times my temper gets the best of me, the times I allow my 2-year-old to watch too much TV while I attempt to mark chores (and sometimes one-eye closed “naps”) off of my never-ending to do list, or the times I hide in the bathroom with sweet treats I don’t allow my children to have. Surprise, surprise! I am NOT perfect… but you already knew that, now didn’t you?
Sometimes I feel incredibly alone in these feelings of inadequacy, especially when so many moms share on social media all the homemade crafts and educational activities they complete with their well-rounded, obedient proteges. Can I let you in on a little secret? I HATE making crafts with my kids. My perfectionism gets the best of me, turning me into the over-bearing psycho mom as I express how my child got it ALL wrong. “Yes, your cow looks like a duck on crack… why don’t you just let mama do it?!”
All of these weaknesses of mine seeped to the surface of my mind after my little ones directly pointed out that they would rather have daddy with them all day than me (I should have framed that darn duck on crack). But honestly, in those moments of tears, I was forgetting so much!
My relationship with my littles is very special. They might miss their daddy on his long work days, but nobody replaces mama! These same children who proclaim they don’t want me are the ones who curl up into my lap when they are sad, hurt, or just in need of some one-on-one attention. They are one giant juxtaposition of emotions, and I’m simply here to guide them through these ever-changing waters, not allowing their non-sensical behavior to ruffle my feathers. Kids will be kids after all!
I can’t help but chuckle when I realize this is exactly how I treat God. He’s my Father Who loves me fiercely and unconditionally and Who, I am sure, grows disappointed and heart-broken over my childish behavior. My heart attitude is easily tossed about from joy to despair and back again. I am ungrateful and downright silly in my actions, yet He doesn’t fret. He gives me room to mess up, then picks me up, brushes me off, and sends me on my way again. Perhaps I should see my children through God-colored glasses and not set such high expectations on how they should “feel” about me. In the end, they know who to run to and who is their real favorite whether they realize it or not (don’t tell daddy)!
And wouldn’t you know it, the very next day after my sob fest, my oldest turned to me and exclaimed, “Mama you’re my favorite. I want to marry you! You are the most beautiful person in this house and the smartest too!” Bless that precious child.
Insert uncontrollable sobs here too.